What I Want

Some people want it all,
But I want nothing at all,
If i aint got you...

I never really know what I want. I think I always want what I don't have. I crave for recognition. I yearn for love. At this point, I don't want anything at all. I am at the point that I don't care. Maybe that's what happens when you always get what you want. Just like the diminishing effect in economy, all that comes easy means nothing at all.

I have money, I have brain, I have recognition, and here I am trying to find out what I can't have. So I would have the adrenaline rush of pursuing.

I dreamt of going to New York, and I went there. I dreamt of having a lot of money, and I got it. I dreamt of being adored, and I was adored. I dreamt of having diamonds, and I have it.

But as U2 says, and I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
In the end, all we need is love. I feel a self fulfillment, as such that I don't need to prove and yearn for others recognition to love me. For once, I feel content with myself. And therefore, no more ambition, no more pursuing. I feel life is enough. I feel content.

The lack of ambition causes no need for living in my part. Which, I guess is not a good thing. Ah..whatever, i don't want to think about it anymore. Have a lot of test waiting for me.

In Re: A letter from Europe

Dear Sir,

With all sincerety and honesty do I wrote this posting, with the hope that you will accept and go on with your life. I have to say that you are an amazing and charming man, and nothing will change my perception of you, but for me you have always been a nice friend.

I ask for forgiveness should I have led you to the perception that I might be in love or in lust with you. You are not the first one to have that thought. Many said that I am to friendly, that such friendliness would lead to a misunderstanding.

Do I love you? I think love has a very broad perception- and if I am to interpret in in general terms, then the answer is yes. But should you mean that the term love that you asked me is in connotation with a love relationship, then I would have to say no. I do not fall in love or lust easily, neither do I trust people easily. However, I am able to trust you with all my secrets. When I met you two years ago, I was in a broken hearted state, emotionally vulnerable, yet I do not want to hurt anyone by asking a guy to be a rebound guy. What happened between us, I would say is my confidence and comfortable feeling with you as my friend. Not to mention the effect of all those marijuanas that we had.

Did I played you? I never did have any intention to play with your heart. But as all emotional things are with me, I just can't say no because I am afraid to hurt others people feelings. I think my silence has a lot to do with how people think I acquiesced to their assumption that I have a reciprocal feeling towards them. It is my weakness and fault.

More than all of this, I wish you the best. You deserve a loving and nice woman, and I don't think that I am that woman. Please move on, you don't know what you might be missing. I am sure that there is a lot of amzing woman for such an amazing man like you.

As with me, life is already moving on with me. I think you know and saw what love did to me, and how long did it take to heal my broken heart. I am currently in love with another man, and I dare not to expect anything.

Thank you, and please remain my best friend.